Summer Activities for Kids with Mentally Unstable Parents

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Less than a week into summer vacation and the kids are already driving me up a wall. So, I brainstormed some ideas to keep them occupied and out of my hair. Feel free to borrow them and give your kids a summer to remember before they end up in juvenile hall.

Have them read Lord of the Flies then set up their own hierarchy.

Kids love to feel important. They especially love doing so at the expense of those around them. Let them decide who will be Jack and who will be Ralph, while you play the role of Piggy. They’re gonna treat you like shit, but they’ll get a huge kick out of it. If it gets to be too much for you, tell them that the game is over, but don’t expect them to respect your command unless you’re holding the conch.

Research family lineage with a twist

Go onto a site like ancestry.com and get everything all set up, only instead of using your actual information, enter the info of a distant relative of Charles Manson. The kids will get a huge kick out of finding out who their relatives are up until they realize that they’re actually descendants of a violent sociopath. Then again, depending upon how weird your kids are, they might enjoy it. I know mine did!

Have them start up a lemonade stand then have the Bar Rescue guy come in to fuck everything up

Get your kids all the materials they need to start a killer lemonade stand. Let them make enough sales where they start feeling good about themselves then call in John Taffer from Bar Rescue. He’ll reorganize the entire operation while chiding your children about how they store their lemons, but before you know it, the day will be over and it’ll be bedtime. If your kids are still upset about Taffer telling them they’re methods are “A FRIGGIN’ DISGRACE!,” just remind them that it’s business, never personal.

 

 

 

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