The Stress of the Ice Cream Truck

I love winter. I love the cold, I love the snow and I especially love the peace that frigid weather brings. I’ve also realized that I have the cold to thank for eliminating one of the biggest stressors in my life and any parent’s life: the wave of panic and emotion brought on by the sound of the ice cream truck driving through your neighborhood.

I fully understand the feeling kids get once they hear the music from the ice cream truck. It’s as though a child’s brain instantly morphs into the studio audience from Maury. As soon as the first few notes of that ice cream truck song register in a kid’s head, they induce the same emotions in children as the words, “You ARE the father!” do to those goofballs in Maury’s audience.

I really don’t like what that ice cream truck theme music does to children. It’s as though children instantly become possessed by some morbidly obese demon. Kids are normally just excited kids for roughly the first two or three times they have to take no for an answer in response to, “Dad the ice cream guy is outside! Can we please have money? Please, please, please?!?!?!” Then they start to react as though they’ve been tasked with diffusing a bomb and have no idea which wire to pull to deactivate it.

Then, there’s the times where I’ll agree to buy them ice cream and we’re all running around the house looking for my wallet like the goddamn McCallister family from Home Alone after realizing they’ve slept in. I’m pretty sure I’ve even heard one of my kids say, “Time is of the essence, you fat loser! Either find that wallet and get me a Nutty Buddy or I swear to everything holy that I will leave at home until I am 40!”

Thankfully, I have at least five more months before I’m breaking out into a full sweat all because some tiny Middle Eastern dude in a funny looking truck has somehow turned me into one of Pavlov’s dogs. In the mean time, I’ll eat ice cream out of my freezer like a normal human being and mentally prepare myself for the unnecessary torture that will whimsically stroll through my neighborhood come summer.

Category: blog

8 comments on “The Stress of the Ice Cream Truck

  1. For the first 2 1/2 yrs of my oldest child’s life I had him believing that it was just a music truck that drove around playing music (luckily there weren’t too many kids in our neighborhood). Then one day my dad was over visiting and asked him if he wanted ice cream from the ice cream man… It was all down hill from there, thanks dad. Lol

  2. Jessica, that’s a good idea- the music truck!

  3. Idea… for the next few ice cream truck free months, get yourself a recording of the songs that your truck plays (my local trucks play a badly out of pitch version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”)
    Play the recording of whatever your song is a few times during the day. Let them get all excited, even let them run outside and look for the truck. Let them discover that song does NOT mean ice cream. Yes, it will break their heart at first, but it will also break the brainwashing, and doing it every day, a few times, hopefully by the summer time, they won’t associate that song with ice cream anymore (although they may associate it with “my dad’s an ass”).

  4. I have binge read these blog posts today until I was sore from laughter. I have no idea how I stumbled onto them, but I’m thankful I did. Keep ’em coming.

  5. I have told my daughter that the ice cream truck only plays music when it is sold out.

  6. As a soon to be father I want to say thank you. Your blog has actually helped with a lot of the fear I have about becoming a dad. Knowing there’s someone out there as goofy as me raising three is a huge relief. So again thanks!

    • Thank you, Scott and congratulations sir!

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