I Shit Myself In Office Depot Today

I often wonder about the example I set for my kids. I’m trying to minimize the amount of shitty behaviors I could potentially pass on to my kids, and I feel like I’m finally getting to the point of being as close to a normal human being as I’ve ever been. One of the worst behaviors a parent can exhibit is the “do as I say, not as I do” nonsense. Today, I exhibited that, as I shit myself in Office Depot in front of Mikey and he instantly knew it.

Mikey is pretty good at using the potty. Occasionally, he’ll have an accident and to help prevent that, Jaime and I constantly ask him if he has to go to the bathroom.Β  He likes to really push the limits of his butthole and bladder, often flying by the seat of his pants to either barely make it to the toilet in the nick of time, or sneak upstairs to change his underwear without being noticed, like some kind of incontinent ninja. Most of the times that he does have an accident, it’s aggravating because it could have been prevented if he had just taken a break from whatever he was doing and run upstairs to let loose. We don’t really bust his chops too hard, but it’s important that it gets recognized that it is never okay to soil yourself.

Today, he and I went to Office Depot and walked around the store for about an hour. During the course of that hour, I was ripping farts like I would receive 30% off for doing so. Yesterday, my diet consisted of long hot peppers, mashed potatoes, marinated mozzarella balls and enough baked ham to put a midget in a pork coma. Naturally, I was really trying to put on a farting fireworks display. What do you want from me? I’m a showman. It got to the point where Mikey started saying, “Daaad!” after each one, so I knew they were good. This kid spends the better part of his day making butt, fart and poop jokes, so if I’m embarrassing him, I’m really digging deep and reminding him who the master is.

Roughly 25 minutes into the farting clinic, I really put a little extra mustard on one as I perused the dry erase markers. I immediately shot to attention in only a way that an adult can do if they realize they either left the stove on or just shit themselves in a store. For some reason, I immediately looked at Mikey, who said, “Did you just poop?” I have no fucking clue how he knew this, but being that his fart game is incredibly strong for his age, I know he has “The Gift” and likely already understands that sometimes world class farters shit themselves, as a circus juggler’s pins sometimes hit the floor. I felt his disappointment to my core and I don’t know if he’ll ever look at me the same.

I am typing this three hours after the incident, and I still feel the shame as strong as I did the moment I locked eyes with Mikey. It was like having a gypsy stare into my soul. I feel like the dad from the “I learned it by watching you!” anti-drug PSA. I’m not sure I can ever instruct him on how or when to use the bathroom ever again. He has every right to follow his own instincts, rather than listen to some overweight butt braggart who can talk it, but obviously can’t walk it.

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142 comments on “I Shit Myself In Office Depot Today

  1. Amazing as per usual.

  2. Love your blog. Please check out my friend WendiBear’s blog it’s called ‘It’s not my fault”. She’s pretty filthy but I think you’d enjoy her style. Thanks Cynthia

  3. Wait till you get to my age!

  4. As a wife and mom with tears rolling down my cheeks from laughter, this sounds like a secret I would find in the dirty clothes hamper a few days later!

    • Thank you, Desiree. When I read what you wrote, it instantly made me think of hearing my mom yelling from the basement upon discovering what my dad had done to his tighty whiteys.

  5. This kind of brilliance cannot be taught.
    It only comes in its purest form..


    • You’re awesome Rodney. Thank you.

  6. Don’t know how I’ve missed this goldmine until now. Absolutely brilliant. Thank you for sharing!

    • Sean, I really appreciate you saying that. Thank you and happy new year to you, sir!

  7. A 2014 Funniest-Thing-on-the-Internet nominee. Am sharing this abundantly.

  8. Greatest moment of a parents life right? Thanks for sharing

  9. Ahhhh. Many thanks for sharing. You just made my evening. I will now share this with others. After I read it to my husband and children. With some editing πŸ™‚

  10. Laughed soo hard reading this! Lol. It is so true, and the things we do to make our kids laugh, and we end up making fools of ourselves so often! Wonderfully witty and well written article, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

  11. Wow…first ever post I’ve read of yours, couldn’t stop crying long enough to forward to my circle – very funny and well written!

    I’ll be back- cheers!

  12. I’m crying. My stomach hurts so bad. I have 3 men in my house a 41 year old that acts like he’s 7, a 13 year old that acts like he’s 25, and a 10 year old that wants to be 13 but acts more like my husband. All 3 have ripping fart contests on a daily basis. Numerous times I’ve warned them. Don’t poop your pants! They’ve all done it once or twice. But the look is priceless when they do. It’s a “oh my god, I’ve gone too far this time and regret my fart instantly” look. Love this. Thank you.

  13. I have Ms and was having a “shitty” morning lol…then I read this and laughed and laughed…thank you

    • Im happy I could make you laugh. Thank you, Tina. I want to give you a copy of my new book, Terrible Advice for Parents. If you email your address to me at mrainey82@gmail.com, I’ll send it.

  14. There is nothing wrong with the “do as I say not as I do ” principal. The modernization of parenting has created a generations of people who consistently worry about others instead of acting right and doing the right thing themselves. Yes lead by example but sometimes kids need to just do what they’re told.

  15. what i just read is the definition of white trash. people like you give Americans a bad name. you should set a better example for your kids. and to everyone that thinks its funny or a good lesson you are all trashy too. Who taught you manners…homer simpson, peter from family guy. your son knew it was rude thats why he said daaad. now your kids will always remember that event…your kids know right from wrong better than you…next time you get the urge to be trashy think about what i said daaaad! it’s a shame that your kids and your asshole have to teach you a lesson instead of you being a grownup. teach self control or change the name of your blog to trashy dad. besides you were prolly in wall mart not office depot. disgusting pig

    • Andre, I want to give you a hug.

      • This shit just keeps getting better! I may be half wine drunk,but this is funny. Don’t worry Andre, it’s box wine, I’m trashy to the core.

      • Do it while wearing shitty pants, man. Please? For your fans?

        • For you, Luis? You got it.

    • Andre, you’re a total douche bag.

    • I suspect you may have been the victim of a stranger “crop-dusting” you in a store one too many times. Such hostility.

    • Its funny you say it gives Americans a bad name.. have you traveled the world? I have being a merchant marine my dear Andre and believe me every other country does not hold back something so natural as passing gas whether it be belching or out of your rear. So get your facts straight. But its ok be your up tight self and hold your gas in so you can explode. You sir are what the internet considers a Troll. You feel to read around and spread your negative input on things you could so very easily just scroll right on by. Have a great new year you hermit!!!

    • Andre Blanchet could you please define “White Trash” I’m interested in knowing what your definition is.

    • Andre, you must lead a very boring and laughter free life. The kid will always remember this with a smile and laughter – a lighthearted event in a lifetime of all kinds of experiences. Loved the post!

    • Whoa, whoa, whoa, Andre. Who says that is the definition of “White Trash?” You did, that’s right, silly me!!! Maybe Andre is an alias for ” Merriam Webster.”
      I come away with from this story is a father and son, whom enjoy doing things together, out having fun.. In office depot, which by the way is probably one of the more boring places for anybody to shop at, yet still having a great time. Is teaching a child to hold gas in really good for them? Its not good for anybody. The problem these days are the those snobby, stuck up, tight wads, who bitch about everyone else and how disproving they are of others. This is a free country last I heard. Those people have lost touch with the document that gave us those freedoms. These are the same people that I consider our ” Blue Ribbon Society ” the ones holding up their last place trophy. Because everyone gets prize. No one should be left out.
      That totally comes to mind when I read your response to this priceless master piece, Andre. Have a nice day.
      BTW you should probably pick that panty bunch from your backside, before it resides on the inside.

      Looking forward to getting your someday.

    • I may be trashy for laughing at this blog, but I least I know proper capitalization and punctuation. Holy run-on sentences, Batman!

    • Andre… I want to meet you!! The guy that doesn’t fart, shit, or have a sense of humor! I read this blog for the first time today. As a mother of three boys who burp, fart, poop and who are straight A students with manners and grace.. this really sums it up! I thought this was a very well written, comical and brutally honest post. Call it trashy if you wish, but this speaks volumes on life’s realities… we all fart and shit and well, sometimes it just happens to go hand in hand.

  16. Holy shit, that’s funny! I have also held fart clinics in public with my children a time or two, and made the same grave mistake. That extra mustard can really mess with your day! My children thought it was hilarious that I had to go wash my ass and throw away my underwear. I think I smelled like shit for three days after that.

  17. This was great…I suppose Andre is one of these humans that dont fart or poop…..Well time to wake up because people do and they have fart wars, contests, you name it…..I’m 46 and still call my Mom to tell her when I made a big one or when we are somewhere always rip a nice one…..Farts are always funny if you cant agree you just arent human……Geeze if you get hospitalized they will tell you WALK THE HALLS and just FART…..I feel so bad for you not to be able to enjoy this part of life….maybe you are a sharter and that is why you are so upset…..if so they now make the butterfly that adheres to your cheeks and prevents these accidents…….Proud Mom of 2 grown boys…..suffer from walking flatulence…..

  18. Andre Blanchet, you my overly tanned carot looking either non parent or extremely anal parent are what’s wrong with today’s world. While everyone commenting on here is laughing and/or can relate, you must be so anal defensive that I would be surprised if you can crap at all. What is your issues in which you have to react like this towards other people?
    Mrainey, thank you for the story and it was entertaining as all hell, thank you for that and happy new years to you

  19. Well done, good sir. Very well done!

  20. As I sit her nursing my 4 month old boy to sleep I cannot help but laugh!
    I remember my dad farting through stores while I was a kid to embarrass me and I’m sure my fiancΓ© will do the same to our son. Thank you for giving me a laugh and bringing back memories!

  21. OMG I was dying reading this. Reminded me of the time I tripped down a little flight of carpeted stairs at a boutique hotel, the kind that has lace doilies everywhere and tea in the afternoons. Of course a giant fart whipped out as I was tumbling down, like it was taking advantage of the distraction. To which my horrified 10-year old asked disbelievingly at what must have been 20 decibels, MOM DID YOU JUST FART?!? I lay there laughing for what seemed like twenty minutes. I don’t think she’s gotten over it yet.

    • Lee, this is incredible. You just made my day.

  22. Andre must not poop/fart… Must be why he’s so grumpy!

  23. I shit my pants reading this!

  24. Please allow a moment for ReBUTTal, (sorry Andra), but (no pun intended, again, sorry Andra) just because a child sees an improper behavior, does not mean that he will emulate it later in life. Allow me to explain, I grew up in a house with older brothers and games such as grab-a-head- to-the butt-N-fart, light my fart, and smell my finger were rather common, as often the people playing them tended to be. I woke up to dirty underwear on my head almost every morning and have drank more than my share of pee and tobacco juice spit (disguised as coca cola, which made me give that up) almost every day of my youth. Making their underwear stick to the wall was a favorite hobby of my evil brothers, underwear that was later destined for you know who. So, just because I was witness to these behaviors, does not mean I condone them in any way. As a child, I thought as a child, spoke as a child, and when I became a man, I put away childish ways having been taught right from wrong. I actually owe my career to my brothers, I am a nurse and there is not a body fluid or smell that bothers me. Rather, I tend to get nostalgic.

  25. Omgoodness I had tears rolling reading your post. As a mom of a 12 year old boy who has had a number of mishaps, hiidden skid marked & textured underwear, and even thrown them in the wood stove to destroy the evidence. Thankfully I don’t have my own story but I’m comfy just remembering his. Thanks for the laughs!!

  26. The picture is all wrong, but aside from that I would swear that you were my husband. Must just be a universal dad thing.

  27. Couldn’t help but laugh reading this, and wish I would’ve stumbled onto this blog earlier. As a father to 2 boys, dick/fart/ass jokes are pretty much a guaranteed laugh in our household, despite my wife’s constant reminder that it will not be as funny in a few years. While I have yet to shit myself in a store attempting to embarrass my boys, I’ve certainly come quite close on multiple occasions, one such incident necessitating a hurried visit to the store bathroom to double check that I did not in fact shart myself. My 3 year old loves bare-assing anyone within distance as well, and learned it from the 5 year old. When you catch one of yours bare assing your dog’s face, let me know. Been there, done that. Kudos to you, sir. Keep up the good work. Us paunchy pops gotta stick together.

  28. Oh! My! Gawd!!! From the wife of another proud fart master my husband has done a very similar thing not once not twice but 3 times now! While I hate the mess and usually tell him to just throw the underwear away I still laugh til I cry!!! My daughter now 7 proudly announces hers with “I got gaaassss!!!!!” Thanks for sharing!

  29. There aren’t many things that I wouldn’t do for a discount. I’ll have to check with my local Office Depot if they will offer/honor the “I just shit my pants, please feel sorry for me, and hurry up and get me the fuck out of here” 30% off pass. Thanks for the giggles….without the shits, fir now.

  30. Oh my god! I’m dying right now! My husband can fart with the best of them and my (almost) 2 year old son is already learning the fine art of making himself fart and burp and giggling when he or someone else does it. Sadly I believe that this is starting to rub off on my formerly very proper self lol! I now find myself doing it just to make the baby boy laugh!

  31. This is truly the Greatest Story Ever Told. Thanks for being able to laugh at yourself and not turn this into some kind of holier-than-thou preachy parent moment.

  32. I have come back to your blog and read this many many many times as well as most of your other blogs. You are hilarious! My husband and I adopted three boys out of foster care 2 years ago when they were 2,3, and 5. I had no idea then how funny butt and fart humor was….but I’m well versed now. Thank you so much for posting this. I will continue to share like crazy.

  33. So funny I cried! Thanks for that!

    • Im happy to make you cry, Shannon.

  34. True gold this is, brilliant!!!!!

  35. Just discovered your blog! Tears are rolling down my face and I pee’d my pants….. No literally I pissed in my pants!

  36. My screen is wet. My cheeks are wet. And now my ass is wet. I should’ve seen the title as a disclaimer: those with Crohn’s don’t read. Hysterically laughing and shitting go hand-in-hand.
    This mom is off to do a load of laundry….ninja style.

  37. This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I literally had tears running down my face! I shared on my facebook, as your posts are pure gold :).

    • Thank you, Emily. This really makes me happy.

  38. As a mom of 5 I am so glad I stumbled on this site ! Just got done telling people I don’t think there are any families quite as “unique” as ours I may be wrong lolol

  39. Spot On! Your writing is so visual! Thank you for making me laugh today. As a wife, mother and teacher I can relate to many of your experiences. Thank you!

  40. Thank you for sharing. My 5 year old can make a stink like a grown man. I have intestinal issues and can toot a lot, and toot I do! I should Challenge her to a fart contest. Boys aren’t the only ones who can play! Thank you for the laugh!

  41. Welcome to late-stage pregnancy. I know because of a friend. πŸ˜‰

  42. This randomly showed up on my newsfeed in FB. I was dying laughing, hysterical!! Even better since just yesterday my 3 yr old gambled on a fart and lost. Which was also hysterical.

  43. I did that today. Stomach virus and a fart I trusted.

  44. Made the mistake of reading this at work…as the tears are pouring down my cheeks, I’m pretty sure other people in the office think I’m having a seizure or am completely nuts.

  45. Well I have snorted, laughed until I cried and couldn’t breathe, and then I read the comments. Awesome. Just so much awesome. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to change my pants and dry the couch.

  46. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while! I literally laughed out loud and it felt so good

    • I love hearing this. Thank you, Dawn.

  47. laughing so loudly tears are rolling down my cheeks… I subscribed and shared on FB.
    You are one funny guy- thanks for the much needed laugh.

    • Thank you, Amy. I love hearing this.

    • Thank you, Amy. I appreciate that!

  48. This had me laughing to myself so hard while I was sitting in secretary of state that the person sitting next to me moved over four seats πŸ™‚ thank you for the much needed laugh today and I hope your son isn’t scarred for life. Lol. You rock!!

  49. I remember when I had to take my wife’s 80+ year old grandma grocery shopping, and the entire time she was ripping some good ones off… I initially did not know how to react… Then she just said… “Everybody does it!!!” I laughed all the way back home!!!

  50. OMG…this randomly appeared on my FB newsfeed and I laughed so hard I woke up my sleeping baby next to me (oops). Your story did remind me of a “fart in public” story that my husband will never live down. We were at Bed Bath and Beyond doing our wedding registry. We had only been there twenty minutes when he got the walking farts. I kept turning around and glaring at him in between giggling and walking far enough ahead to pretend I wasn’t with him. Apparently he took that as a challenge because he walked even faster to keep up with me which made the farting worse. By the time we were halfway through the store people were poking their heads out of the aisles to see what the horrible smell was and man was it bad. I tried to tell him we’d just come back because the stares were getting to me but nooooo he insisted we finish the registry. His darting continued throughout the entire store and it must have entered the air circulation because the whole entire store smelled like his butt. When we turned in the little registry scanner, I was so embarrassed I wanted to run for the door which had been propped open to air out the smell. I felt so bad for the three girls at the registers because they were standing by the doors to get fresh air talking about how someone must have forgotten to change their adult diaper. It was awful and to this day I have never gone back to that store out of shear embarrassment. My husband however thinks he should have gotten a medal or something for managing to stink up an entire store *eyeroll*

  51. Print this out and make a hardcopy before internet goes down. I’ll notify the Smithsonian to be on the lookout for this…

  52. If you have any poo, fling it now…..at Andre.

  53. You gambled and lost.

    • Still learning to know when to fold ’em.

  54. I literally had tears laughing at this because um….. ya, we’ve all been there

  55. By far the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I read it three more times and I’m still laughing until it hurts! Well done!

  56. This is pure storytelling brilliance! If you don’t subscribe after reading this, you might be an Andre.

  57. This was brilliant, and I shit myself while reading it due to laughing too hard. I have three sons, ages 7, 5, and 5. They constantly invent inappropriate games, like “penis runner” (each boy drops his pants to his ankles and they race upstairs until someone inevitably draws blood. Thank you for this!!!

  58. i feel ya brother. I shit myself in a grocery store once…….once!

  59. Holy Hell, I am throwing my phone at my husband and making him read this, STAT! He had the brilliant idea to teach our kiddos the comedic value of farts. Since our daughter is 4 months old, and gassy, she unintentionally sends our 5 year old son into laughing fits at least once a day. As far as this being “white trash,” I’m pretty sure you have to be able to laugh at things from a kid’s standpoint to be a parent…

    • Thank you, Dani. I like your style!

  60. Amazing! I’m in tears. My son is at the age where every other word out of his mouth is butt, poop or fart and while I usually find it funny, other people do not. Glad to know someone else has my sense of humor!

  61. Thanks I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time

  62. My wife and I both laughed till we cried, then I proceeded to send a link to everyone I knew who would appreciate it, including Ma and Pa. Good shit (pun totally intended).

    • I can’t thank you enough, Chris.

  63. That is some funny shit. Literally. You hooked me. I’m buying the book now. I’m sure you won’t disappoint. Thanks for sharing!!

    • Thank you Shannon. I don’t fuck around. If you don’t enjoy the book, I’ll give your money back.

  64. Ok, this came across my feed on fb via a co-worker. We have reposted and shared every social network we are attached to. We are both parents and bit of pranksters. Reading this made me laugh so hard that I couldn’t even finish read aloud to my husband, due to lack of oxygen. We share a saying all the time, ” you couldn’t make that up even if you tried.” Hats off to you for sharing a parental moment that will be talked about for weeks. One of my co-workers have chrones (think that’s misspelled) so we always have shitty stories to share. I’m also the oldest of 9 siblings mostly boys so my 12 yo daughter is such a tomboy and they have farting contest and we joke about “the wet ones.” Thank you so much for your story, for your amazing writing, and most of for sharing. I really hope Andre gets that stick removed soon. Can’t wait to read more of your blogs absolutely brilliant !!!

  65. First thing I read today and must say I am completely in tears from laughing. I to have an office depot story that resembles yours. I was taking that medicine that blocks carbs, and your not supposed to eat greasy food. Well I wad dying for some pizza and broke down. Needless to say I trusted something that should never be trusted and slightly, who am I kidding went through the inner and outer layers of my clothing. With both of my children in tow I had to use them as blockers because I knew it was showing and was already in check out lane. My then 7 year old son belted out, “ahh daddy what’s that smell!” and I knew I had to get out of there asap. So congrats on your public badge of shame, I sir salute you.

    • A chill went through my body as I read this. I routinely shit myself and your story reminded me of another time where I had to tie a sweatshirt around my waste because I let a loaded fart fly right before Jaime and I went to the movies.

  66. My meat head shits himself much more often then he’d ever admit. We both laughed so hard we cried reading this because we’ve been there a few times and he was so happy that another man has also shocked his son in a department store.

    • Your husband and I are kindred spirits. Shit Soulmates, if you will.

  67. I cry-laughed and lost the ability to breathe correctly for 15 minutes after reading this. Best. Shit story. Ever.

    • Hahaha thank you very much.

  68. I laughed so much that I cried. Tears made it to my neck. SO funny! What are Mikey’s follow up reactions, I wonder.

    • Thank you, Tiffany. Mikey supports me 100%.

  69. “It was like having a gypsy stare into my soul.”

  70. my dad had more shit stories than I’ve ever heard .. The one thing I learned from his hilarious stories were not to be embarrassed… Cause shit happens !!! And 9-out of -10 people have something wrong but don’t go to dr’s for a dignosious .. My dad is gone now !!!! And I sure do miss his shit stories … So I’ve enjoyed your story cause it reminded me of happy moments with my dad … Thanks for sharing

    • I love this. Thank you, Sherry.

  71. This is my first time reading anything from you after it was passed to me by an equally disgusting coworker. We pride ourselves on being progressive aka cool parents and just come off looking like jack asses. This post brings to mind so many awful stories that I am sure you would love! I’ll give you one and you’re welcome to the rest of you like.

    When I was younger (I am 35 now) I had an old, 1983 Izuzu pup with power NOTHING. I was having a particularly rough day after a night of drinking and at least a dozen White Castle burgers. I was building houses at the time and was coming home on a Saturday at around 2 after an nice early, hung over start. I had the bubble guts all day and had used the port John on the site several time, rendering it uninhabitable for a half hour each time. Now my pup was a real POS but it was all I could afford at the time and got me from A to B. Like I said, power nothing and it was stick. I am about two miles from home and it begins. The kraken starts rising from the deep and the can of this stupid truck quickly fills with the smell of burning hair. I can feel the contractions and and just concentrating in getting home. I am within walking distance and have one corner to turn. I suppose it was the act of fighting the non power steering wheel to make the right turn and dropping the truck into 2nd but it was clearly too much for my body to handle the the beast was loose. I couldn’t tell how bad, but it felt like I had fired it deep into the seats and destroyed my jeans. When I pulled into my driveway, of course, my neighbors were out on their deck, which overlooks my driveway, enjoying the lovely day. I walked from my truck, into my house, sidestepping the entire was so they couldn’t see my ass, while acting like I was inspecting my yard. It could have been zero degrees out and hailing, they would have been out that day having a Bbq just because I had a mud ring on my seat! Thanks for bringing back the memories. I’m now a fan!

  72. Love it! Still giggling over the moment of realization!!

  73. I have a similar story but replace “4 year old son” with “30 year old boyfriend” and “office depot” with “the bed we share”.

    The fart game can be serious business. You win some, you lose some.

    • Truer words have never been spoken, Rachael. I want that on a plaque.

  74. Hilarious! Would love to talk to you about HuffPost! Look me up and get in touch with me!

    • Thank you, Dana. I emailed you at the address on your site.

  75. I shred the link to this gram a friends Facebook. 20 minutes later, my husband called me from his office almost unable to speak. We have twin boys, and our first son is a bowel withholder. He’s on the autism spectrum, so his potty issues, I’m sure, come from his different neural wiring. My sweet husband has turned our Nissan Versa into a rolling gas chamber after a dinner of buffalo chicken pizza, and was suicidal enough to lock the windows… I think the lining of my sinuses is still growing back…

    Anyhow, I can close my eyes and picture this happening to my husband and son in a heartbeat. He would never have the intestinal fortitude to tell me about it though!
    Thank-You for your most honest of poop gags taken too far. πŸ™‚

    • Katie, I love your family from this comment alone. You are all awesome.

  76. I shared the link to this from a friends Facebook. 20 minutes later, my husband called me from his office almost unable to speak. We have twin boys, and our first son is a bowel withholder. He’s on the autism spectrum, so his potty issues, I’m sure, come from his different neural wiring. My sweet husband has turned our Nissan Versa into a rolling gas chamber after a dinner of buffalo chicken pizza, and was suicidal enough to lock the windows… I think the lining of my sinuses is still growing back…

    Anyhow, I can close my eyes and picture this happening to my husband and son in a heartbeat. He would never have the intestinal fortitude to tell me about it though!
    Thank-You for your most honest of poop gags taken too far. πŸ™‚

    • This made me happy. Thank you, Katie!

  77. I literally just laughed so hard I cried…at work. Little embarrassing, but not as much as shitting myself at Office Depot! You are hilarious and I’m so glad that I found your blog!

    • Thank you, Tiffany. You made my day.

  78. You pooped your pants?! Well I think I just peed mine.
    This is some funny.. shit!

    Between your story, everyone else’s stories, UPTIGHT Andre and his ridiculous UNFUNNY rant, and everyone’s hilarious responses to him.. this is the funniest thing.. well collection of things that I have read in a long, long time!!

    If that makes me white trash, Andre.. so be it! Bahahaha.

  79. Hey there! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I genuinely enjoy reading your posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same subjects? Thanks a lot!

    • Hey Buddy! I really appreciate that. Honestly, I don’t read many blogs. The only ones I do are Michael Hyatt, an awesome marketing guy, and Seth Godin, another marketing guy/author/speaker.

  80. As mom of daughter and son and grandmother of 3 boys, my daughter and I live in a world of sausages/farts/burps. These “contests” take the stress away from the serious medical issues our family faces. Please it’s fun!, if you don’t think farts are fun you’re sick. Love they story I was ripping one for the boys and it wasn’t just a fart. Damn it ended my fun quickly.

  81. I don’t care how old you are, farts are funny. And when you crap yourself, even funnier. Thanks for the laughs!
    Also, to the poor guy that said this is white trash, I want to hug you too.

    • Thank you, Sarah. I agree.

  82. Absolutely hilarious!!! Was unaware of this blog, but, I’m hooked! Can’t wait till the next episode!

  83. you people are all pathetic losers.

    • I want to give you a hug, John. Also, tell your wife I said what’s up.

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