Fighting Off Creeps Who Stare At My Daughter

The last two times we’ve gone to the pool, I’ve been creeped out by a unibrowed dork who stares at Bella. Bella is 11 and this goofball weirdo is likely a couple years younger. He doesn’t just stare. He stares with the gaze of chimpanzee who’s had a few drinks after a severe head injury. I addressed him tonight and hope that I nipped in it in the bud. The sad reality is that my dad defense is going to be on high alert from here on out, as Bella is as beautiful as they come and these young dorks are likely just getting started.

I completely understand where this kid is coming from. But Jesus Christ, kid. For both of our sakes, cool your dumb jets. The last time I noticed him staring, I let it go because I thought he was just being weird. But this time, it really annoyed me because he kept swimming closer and closer to Bella. I had to say something and I knew it had to be quick, as it never looks good when a dude that looks like me approaches a boy at the pool. At the risk of ending up on some watch list, I swam towards this kid. When I got to within five feet of him, I asked, “Do you know Bella?” He responded with the confidence of a wealthy bodybuilder, letting out a defiant, “No!” before swimming away.

I instantly felt my ears and neck get hot, as I was just punked by some prepubescent fourth grader in swimming capri’s. I’m not sure this kid realizes just how close he came to becoming the subject of most links that would appear when the words “water noodle murder” would be typed.

Thankfully, that ended his fascination with Bella at least for the time being. I pray to God he got the message. I don’t even think she saw me do this, but I want her to know that I’ll protect her from any asshole that makes her feel uncomfortable. If this tactic proves useful, I may just have to walk around shirtless in a bathing suit to address any dude who stares at her. Consider yourselves warned, fellas.


Category: blog

6 comments on “Fighting Off Creeps Who Stare At My Daughter

  1. Very funny, but weird.

  2. I need an adult!

  3. High Five! If my dad had done this, I would be teaching college right now and not working 2 jobs in my 30’s to pay off debt that my loser ex dragged me into. Keep on keepin’ on with the creeper repellent….and put a shirt on for Christ sake, this is a family place! 😉

  4. I feel your pain! My daughter is seven and I can unbiasly say she is beautiful. In a few years I’m going to have to get a beginner course in Seal Team Six training

    • If you happen to find a Groupon deal on the Seal training I’ll go in half on it since our daughters are the same age lol. If not I figure I will try to become as big as a Mr Olympia body builder and wear age t shirt that quotes Ivan Drago from Rocky “I CRUSH YOU”

      • Sounds like a deal, Julian!

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